why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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