does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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