Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i think my cat just said my name.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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