Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
