oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
