Do you still have your period?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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