I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
