Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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