it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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