So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
