She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Buhtt sex?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
