well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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