I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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