You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
