The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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