She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
