Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's shark week go big or go home
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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