hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
