Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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