I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize