remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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