im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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