Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
