1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
