Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
