please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
