If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize