The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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