you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
