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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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