I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
