I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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