Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
