im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
