He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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