I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
