If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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