Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
