belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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