I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't notice because vodka
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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