I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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