Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
