btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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