I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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