Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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