We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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