Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As shirtless as possible
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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