I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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