That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize