guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
