Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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