Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
