mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
