I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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