If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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