I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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