Sponge bath it is.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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