apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
