oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
