did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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