Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
