Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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