Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
