im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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