Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
