i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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