Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
