We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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