If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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