How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
