Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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